you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
