Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
