I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
