can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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