YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You can't special order awesome
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
