Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
