Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
