Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
