Where is the hickey?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
