i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize