So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
