New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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