I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
