Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
