I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
