if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
