Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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