Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry my hands just texted you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
