I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
