Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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