Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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