im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
