did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
zippers are such a cool invention
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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