Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
