He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed