when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg