so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
