the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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