I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
