Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
