there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is the high leading the old right now
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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