exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize