If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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