I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
