erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
