hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
