They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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