hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
