i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
