At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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