I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
