ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
