im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
