Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
