My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
