Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
