I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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