we're chasing vodka with high fives
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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