i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
