One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
