I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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