tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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