I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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