Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
