i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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