i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
