All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
