if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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