"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
