Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
