I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
