i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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