you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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