i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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