I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
