i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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