I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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