well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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