Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
