Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
