She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
