I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
