My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
