before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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